Make ‘Em Giggle

It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.

When people say, "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep until noon because I'm a problem solver.

Some things are better left unsaid ...which I find out right AFTER I said them.

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

I know the voices aren't real, but they sure do come up with some great ideas.

Smart cars, smart TVs, smartphones... when do we get SMART PEOPLE?

Anyone else put something in a "safe" place and then forget where the safe place is.

It takes a real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over nothing. I have that skill.

When you are at the checkout counter and they ask you if you found everything you need... Say, "Why... are you hiding stuff?"

My voice sounds great when I'm singing with my earphones on, then I take them off and realize I sound like a dying walrus.