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Google Earth gives you the opportunity to go and see anywhere in the world...so what do you do? You go and look up your house.

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1. Going to bed early. 2. Not leaving my house. 3. Not going to a party. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

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Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

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My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all ... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them!

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You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook them. You don't find something? Mom!

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That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like, "I've got nothing!"

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I don't have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

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If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

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Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart stuff I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of my car with my seat belt on.

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My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80's far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

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