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What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!

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I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

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Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.

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Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies!

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I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my opinion!

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I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving my energy for something really important, like binge-watching Netflix.

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My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!

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